The Ride

Hawaii was a good idea. We hiked jungle trails and biked shoreline paths. We played in the surf and swam pristine pools. Evenings included moonlight dinners and barefoot beach walks. It was the perfect place to unwind and regroup for the challenges ahead.

Our goal was a new adventure every day. One was an ATV tour of a large private ranch which had been the setting for movies such as Indiana Jones and Jurassic Park. Before we got too far into the tour, we were screened to make sure we could drive our vehicles safely. The last test was a descent down a steep muddy embankment full of roots and ruts. We parked our ATV’s on the rim of the embankment in preparation for the test and listened as our guide gave instructions. Getting into his vehicle to demonstrate, he offered this invitation:

 “If you don’t feel comfortable driving this descent, get out now. You may take the rest of the tour as a passenger in my vehicle.”

The ensuing silence was interrupted by a cell phone. Harold glanced down; saw the number and quickly stepped away to take the call. The rest of our small group awkwardly waited.

“Hey, was that business or family,” our guide kindly questioned as Harold rejoined the group. Looking a bit sheepish, Harold replied, “Medical.” The subject was dropped and the demonstration began.

There was no time to talk as we jumped back into our vehicles but Harold quickly whispered that the call was from our hospital letting him know that his brain surgery had been scheduled for Friday, February 1^st. *

We may not have had time to talk but that didn’t keep my mind from playing with the strange juxtaposition of ideas: driving down a steep embankment / scheduling brain surgery.

We were not afraid of taking the descent down that muddy track because we've driven ATV’s before and know what these machines can do. There was no need to accept the guide’s invitation and besides, driving was the point, the fun. We enjoyed the element of danger and excitement.

We are not afraid of Harold’s approaching surgery because we’ve taken this road before and know what our team can do. There is an element of danger and perhaps anticipation but instead of excitement, a sober recognition of the challenges ahead.

Here’s where the comparison got interesting. Unlike the ATV excursion, we’ve accepted the invitation of a ride through this cancer adventure and believe me, it doesn’t ruin the fun. Faith in the Savior allows us to be carried through the steep challenges of life while receiving the refining experiences that enrich our lives.

We are grateful for the lift.

*   Harold will undergo a craniotomy, which is a surgical operation in which a bone flap is temporarily removed from the skull to access the brain so the tumors can be removed. The bone flap is then replaced using titanium plates and screws. This will be the third time he’s had this surgery. He will also have another gamma knife procedure on February 13^th.

 

MRI Update

Harold had his scheduled brain MRI today. It was a good news/bad news report.

Good news:   No new tumors
Bad news:      Three previously treated tumors have increased in size.

This could mean one of two things. First it could be the normal necrosis or death of those tissues treated by gamma knife. Instead of just going away, they have created an area of inflammation. Second it could mean the tumors did not fully respond to the gamma knife treatment. They may be actively growing cancer.

In either case they have to be addressed. One is located in the back left quadrant of Harold’s head. This one will receive another gamma knife treatment. The other two are on the upper right side of his head. They will be surgically removed. 

So this will be round three for brain surgery and round five for gamma knife. Meanwhile we are leaving in the morning for a week in Kauai, our favorite Hawaiian island. We knew when we scheduled this trip it would be the day after an MRI. Harold reasoned that if it was good news we would enjoy the celebration. If it was bad news, we’d still enjoy the trip as a welcome respite before the next stage of the battle.

Harold continues to feel great despite ongoing chemotherapy treatment. We’re looking forward to some hiking adventures.

Merry Christmas

Christmas Day had about gotten away when I realized I wanted a family picture. It was cold, the grandchildren were napping, and no one was excited about heading outdoors. Harold shoveled a path through the new snow and we dashed out for this photo moment– a tribute to that day last March when we stood together and chose to rely on our Savior to guide us through Harold's cancer battle. That faith has been rewarded. Harold is still here . . . and we still choose faith. 

 

                      

Update

Harold had an MRI today to check for new tumors. This was the first scan since his October 12^th brain surgery and since he started chemotherapy. Drum roll please . . . 

 For the very first time we are able to announce
No New Brain Tumors!

I don’t know if grinning ear to ear and throwing high fives conveyed the proper “cautiously hopeful” doctor’s office demeanor. Bouncing down the hallway and announcing it to total strangers in the elevator probably didn’t either; but hey, it’s the Christmas season and we just got the best gift ever!

The Interview

“So how would you feel about writing the next blog update?” I asked.

Harold responded with a cautious agreement then followed with this question, “What should I say?

“Whatever you are thinking or feeling,” I replied. “People just need to hear your voice.” 

That discussion turned into an informal interview. 

Sharon:  Harold, how are you feeling?
Harold:  I feel great. I’m in a good place.
Sharon:  What does that mean?
Harold:  It means I really have faith that I’m going to be taken care of.
Sharon:  What does that faith do for you?
Harold:  I don’t worry all the time. Recently I realized I can go most of a day without remembering I have cancer.  I take my pills at the appointed times and forget about the rest.
Sharon: You feel that good?
Harold: I really do.

In the days since that discussion I’ve realized we often “interview” those we care about. Our questions are expressions of interest and concern. Sometimes it is hard to start those conversations for fear of offending or causing more pain. In our experience that doesn’t happen. We welcome your questions as well as your love and prayers.

  

And then there are doctors. 

They jump right to the point. Today was Harold’s first office visit since starting chemotherapy. His doctor hit him with a barrage of questions designed to determine his tolerance for the chemo pills and to look for signs his condition was getting worse.  After answering “no” to all of the questions, Harold humbly said, “I’m sorry Doctor. I’m really trying to find some pain, but I don’t have any.” There was a pause, and then they both burst out laughing.

Harold went on to explain that he had gotten up early to go on a two mile run then had spent the rest of the morning doing carpentry work. “It’s that Jones factor,” his doctor exclaimed. I really wish I could bottle it. It’s working better than the immunotherapy did.”

And today’s lab results indicated that something really is working. Harold’s tumor markers that spiked so dramatically at diagnosis, then came down during immunotherapy only to start back up again, have now dropped into the normal range. The ups and downs of our eight month cancer battle have taught us to be cautious with good news; but any way you look at it, today's lab results are encouraging.

“So Harold, how are you feeling?”

This is Harold writing:

I really do feel great.  There are moments that remind me that I have had brain surgery but not very many. 

I would like to thank my Father in Heaven for his tender mercy that is shown to all who come unto him.  Sharon has been such a support and loving companion.  She has written most of the blog and her spirit of optimism and talent of expression comes though with great clarity.  My family has been extraordinarily loving and have given of their time and talents and service to me, both when I have asked for their help and when I have not.   

I am thankful for all the friends and associates that have given a kind word, a thoughtful card, a prayer where I merit mention in their petitions to the Almighty along with their own challenges.  I thank all who have taken an interest in my welfare and that of my family.  May you all be blessed and may we all be granted peace this Thanksgiving season as we recognize the blessings we’ve already received. 

On the Road

Harold took his first chemotherapy pill last Tuesday night. We had hoped to start the treatment a few days earlier but communication issues with the insurance company and then the severe weather on the east coast delayed the medication’s arrival. Starting chemotherapy a few days late probably won’t affect the overall treatment but it created some extra worry. You see, we were leaving town Wednesday morning and had been warned that the first couple days on chemo could be rough. Harold was taking his first dose Tuesday night.

That night was rough but we decided to risk the trip anyway. Harold was queasy the first couple of hours then started feeling good and has felt great every since. We were able to enjoy an uneventful drive to Utah — all to see a show.

Not just any show. This was our daughter, Rebecca’s art show. She is studying illustration at Brigham Young University and had the opportunity to showcase some of her work in the Harris Fine Arts Center there. It was wonderful to see her beautiful portraits and to be a part of the opening reception for the event. No, we were not going to let a little chemo pill keep us from going, and gratefully it didn’t.

It is amazing to realize how much we’ve been carried through each bump in the road. We may get discouraging news, and then we’re taken care of in the best possible way.

A friend sent me an email last week. It contained a single verse of scripture. I read it and wept because I knew, in a way I’ve never known before, that it is true.

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.     John 14:27