Tight Rope

It’s nearly four months since Harold’s diagnosis. The days speed by, but it’s also been a time of waiting. We're waiting on an answer to the one big question. 

We’ve been granted a large measure of peace and that is a huge blessing. But that peace doesn’t take away the question or the anticipation of the answer; and as the time passes that anticipation grows. There is a tension. The stress is subtle. It’s like a rope being pulled almost imperceptively tighter and tighter.  My mind may not have recognized the changes, but my body certainly has. That realization came while massaging a stiff neck I'd been nursing for days. I shared my conclusion with Harold who agreed. The undercurrent of tension is real. 

Is that a bad thing? We decided it wasn't. If we are exercising faith there will be a sense of anticipation, a hope for things not seen. 

The feeling was heightened by the anticipation of today’s doctor appointment. We knew his oncologist would not have new information. Harold was scheduled for a routine checkup, no scans or tests. Still, any contact with an information source is a step closer to the unanswered question: Will Harold live? 

We waited in the exam room, the question silent in the air. Harold’s doctor entered accompanied by a medical student. After the introductions he started the exam. The question of any new aches or pains was answered by Harold’s confession of a sore muscle, pulled learning to wakeboard last week.

“My best patient,” exclaimed the doctor with a twinkle in his eye, “and I feel like I need to drive him around.” I puzzled over his statement. Was he implying Harold was a model patient or that he needed to be protected from doing something stupid. I couldn't ask for clarification because those two were already exchanging stories of wind surfing and other water misadventures.

They also laid the big question on the table with all its sober realities. The fact is, we don’t know. The final answer will come from the Lord in His own due time. Meanwhile we will have some indication of the effectiveness of the immunotherapy treatments in the next couple weeks:

Harold is scheduled for a Gamma knife surgery on July 30^th. This procedure will remove the two small tumors that were confirmed in the last MRI and indicate if any new ones have grown.   

Harold is scheduled for a PET scan on August 1^st. This will indicate the status of the tumors in the rest of his body.

So what do you do with a tight rope? Recognize it, have the faith it will hold you up . . .  and dance on it.